Sonja Lyubomirsky The Myths Of Happiness What Should Make You Happy But Doesnt What Shouldnt Make You Happy But Does Penguin (2013)

ALSO BY SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY The How of Happiness THE MYTHS of HAPPINESS What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn’t What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, but Does SONJA LYUBOMIRSKY THE PENGUIN PRESS | NEW YORK | 2013 THE PENGUIN PRESS Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA • Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi– 110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books (South Africa), Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North 2193, South Africa • Penguin China, B7 Jiaming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England First published in 2013 by The Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © Sonja Lyubomirsky, 2013 All rights reserved LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING IN PUBLICATION DATA Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The myths of happiness : what should make you happy but doesn’t, what shouldn’t make you happy but does / Sonja Lyubomirsky. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-101-60550-9 1. Happiness. I. Title. BF575.H27L983 2013 152.4'2—dc23 2012030936 No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. TO ISABELLA Contents Also by Sonja Lyubomirsky Title Page Copyright Dedication Epigraph Introduction: The Myths of Happiness PART I CONNECTIONS CHAPTER 1 I’ll Be Happy When . . . I’m Married to the Right Person CHAPTER 2 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . My Relationship Has Fallen Apart CHAPTER 3 I’ll Be Happy When . . . I Have Kids CHAPTER 4 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . I Don’t Have a Partner PART II WORK AND MONEY CHAPTER 5 I’ll Be Happy When . . . I Find the Right Job CHAPTER 6 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . I’m Broke CHAPTER 7 I’ll Be Happy When . . . I’m Rich PART III LOOKING BACK CHAPTER 8 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . the Test Results Were Positive CHAPTER 9 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . I Know I’ll Never Play Shortstop for the Yankees CHAPTER 10 I Can’t Be Happy When . . . the Best Years of My Life Are Over Conclusion: Where Happiness Is Really Found Acknowledgments Notes Index About the Author “Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” —CHARLOTTE BRONTË “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” —SOCRATES “Chance favors the prepared mind.” —LOUIS PASTEUR INTRODUCTION The Myths of Happiness N early all of us buy into what I call the myths of happiness—beliefs that certain adult achievements (marriage, kids, jobs, wealth) will make us forever happy and that certain adult failures or adversities (health problems, not having a life partner, having little money) will make us forever un