Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations From Adventure To Revenge

Also by Cindy M. Meston Women’s Sexual Function and Dysfunction (Ed., with Irwin Goldstein, Susan R. Davis, and Abdulmaged M. Traish) Also by David M. Buss Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind Personality Psychology: Domains of Knowledge About Human Nature (with Randy Larsen) The Murderer Next Door: Why the Mind Is Designed to Kill Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology (Ed.) The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex Sex, Power, Conflict: Evolutionary and Feminist Perspectives (Ed., with Neil Malamuth) Why Women Have Sex Why Women Have Sex _____________________________________________________ Understanding Sexual Motivations— from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between) CINDY M. MESTON, PH.D. AND DAVID M. BUSS, PH.D. TIMES BOOKS Henry Holt and Company • New York Times Books Henry Holt and Company, LLC Publishers since 1866 175 Fifth Avenue New York, New York 10010 www.henryholt.com Henry Holt® is a registered trademark of Henry Holt and Company, LLC. Copyright © 2009 by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss All rights reserved. Lyric from “Wake Up Little Susie” copyright © 1957 by House of Bryant Publications. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Lyric from “Tonight’s the Night (Gonna Be Alright)” copyright © 1976 by EMI April Music Inc. Used by permission of EMI Music Publishing. All rights reserved. Distributed in Canada by H. B. Fenn and Company Ltd. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Meston, Cindy M. Why women have sex : understanding sexual motivations—from adventure to revenge (and everything in between) / Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss. p. cm. ISBN-13: 978-0-8050-8834-2 1. Women—Sexual behavior. 2. Women—Psychology. 3. Sex (Psychology) I. Buss, David M. II. Title. HQ29.M472 2009 306.7082—dc22 2009008389 Henry Holt books are available for special promotions and premiums. For details contact: Director, Special Markets. First Edition 2009 Designed by Victoria Hartman Printed in the United States of America 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 To all of the women in our study who bravely shared their sexual experiences with us CONTENTS Introduction: Inside the Sexual Mind 1. What Turns Women On? Scent, Body, Face, Voice, Movement, Personality, and—Yes—Humor 2. The Pleasure of It Sexual Gratification and Orgasm 3. The Thing Called Love An Emotional and Spiritual Connection 4. The Thrill of Conquest From Capturing a Mate to Poaching One 5. Green-Eyed Desire From Guarding a Mate to Trading Up 6. A Sense of Duty When Responsibility or Guilt Calls 7. A Sense of Adventure When Curiosity, Variety—and Mate Evaluation—Beckon 8. Barter and Trade The Value of Sex—Literally and Figuratively 9. The Ego Boost Body Image, Attention, Power, and Submission 10. The Dark Side Sexual Deception, Punishment, and Abuse 11. Sexual Medicine The Health Rewards of a Sex Life Conclusion: Women’s Sexual Complexities Notes Acknowledgments Index INTRODUCTION Inside the Sexual Mind W hy women have sex is an extraordinarily important but surprisingly littlestudied topic. One reason for its neglect is that scientists and everyone else have assumed that the answers are already obvious—to experience pleasure, to express love, or—at the very heart of the biological drive to have sex—to reproduce. So, more than five years ago, we decided to undertake an intensive research project, involving more than three thousand individuals, to uncover the mysteries of women’s sexuality. When our scientific article “Why Humans Have Sex” was published in the August 2007 issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior, it gener