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Here, shame and jealousy are examined as hidden turmoils; as basic human feelings found in everyone but often suppressed and neglected. An unfulfilled need, unanswered plea for help, and failure to connect with and understand other people are all underlying causes for shame and feeling inadequate. Published for the Institute of Psychoanalysis by Karnac.
E-Book Content
Shame and Jealousy
The Hidden Turmoils
KARNAC
SHAME AND
JEALOUSY
Shame and Jealousy
is o n e of a series of l o w - c o s t b o o k s u n d e r
t h e title PSYCHOANALYTIC i d e a s w h i c h brings together the best of Public Lectures and other w r i t i n g s g i v e n by analysts of the British P s y c h o - A n a l y t i c a l Society o n i m p o r t a n t p s y c h o a n a l y t i c subjects. Other titles in the Psychoanalytic Idea Series: Dreaming and Thinking Rosine J. Perelberg (editor) Spilt Milk: Perinatal Loss and Breakdown Joan Raphael-Leff (editor) Psychosis (Madness) Paul Williams (editor) Adolescence Inge Wise (editor)
The b o o k s can be o r d e r e d f r o m : Karnac Books
www.karnacbooks.com Tel. +(0)20 8969 4 4 5 4 Fax: + ( 0 ) 2 0 8 9 6 9 5 5 8 5 E-mail: s h o p @ k a r n a c b o o k s . c o m
SHAME AND
JEALOUSY
THE H I D D E N TURMOILS
By
Phil
Motion
Series Editors
Inge Wise and Paul
Williams
KARNAC
LONDON
NEW YORK
Published in 2002 by H. Karnac (Books) Ltd, 118 Finchley Road, London NW3 5HT A subsidiary of Other Press LLC, New York Copyright © 2002 Phil Mollon Phil Mollon asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A C L P . for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 85575 918 3 Edited, designed, and produced by The Studio Publishing Services Ltd, Exeter EX4 8JN Printed in Great Britain 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 www.karnacbooks.com
To a Bird Called Hope The bird of hope landed softly on my perch,
With her sweet song she flirted,
And enchanted me,
Then spread her coloured wings,
And I pursued her,
Soaring high,
And low,
We rested in the forest,
Where she dallied with another,
Then the black knight of jealousy,
Riding roughshod in my heart,
Trampled her to death,
And I was ashamed.
Poem by "Pedro"—used
with
permission
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ix
PREFACE
xi
CHAPTER ONE Shame and jealousy
1
CHAPTER TWO Further reflections on shame
23
CHAPTER THREE Psychic murder syndrome
53
CHAPTER FOUR Jealousy
77
CHAPTER FIVE Shame in the psychoanalytic consulting room
123
Concluding summary
1vii 39
A note on psychoanalysis for the general reader
143
Viii
CONTENTS
REFERENCES
149
INDEX
159
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I
a m extremely grateful to Inge Wise for i n v i t i n g me to w r i t e this book, and also for her encouragement over the years i n a variety of ways. This is also an o p p o r t u n i t y to thank various people whose support helped to sustain me d u r i n g those times w h e n adverse circumstances made m y o w n psychoanalytic journey extremely arduous; m a n y must remain nameless, b u t I w o u l d particul