THE N A T I O N A L
BESTSELLER
A STEP-BY-STEP APPROACH TO MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE LOVING AGAIN
I
MARRIAGE-SAVING TECHNIQUES THAT: •GET RESULTS W ITHIN A MONTH •FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS, NOT PROBLEMS •CAN BE USED ALONE OR W ITH YOUR SPOUSE
MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS
ALSO BY MICHELE WEINER-DAVIS
In Search of Solutions: A New Direction in Psychotherapy . (with William Hudson O'Hanlon)
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FIRESIDE
Rockefeller Center 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, New York 10020 Copyright © 1992 by Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, CSW All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. First Fireside edition 1993 FIRESIDE*afrfd ^ J ^ h o r i^ rfegilt^red trademarks * Gf*Si*i
To my mother, father, and two brothers. To my children, Danielle and Zachary, who continually remind me of what's important in life. Most of all, to my husband, Jim, whose never-ending support, charitable ear, down-to-earth advice, and painstaking editorial suggestions made this book a reality. He selflessly nurtured me during my intense year-long affair with writing and did so with out complaining. The gift of his friendship has not gone unno ticed or unappreciated.
Acknowledgments
Although only one name appears on the book’s cover, many peo ple have generously contributed their time to making this book a reality. I am fortunate to have colleagues, friends, and family who have provided support and/or insightful feedback on the manu script, such as George Enns, Eve Lipchik, Tony Heath, Rich Si mon, Mike Nichols, Suzanne Barrows, and Diane Woodruff. A special thanks to Mike Nichols for having spread good rumors about my work. I am also extremely appreciative of my colleagues at the Amer ican Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, particularly Diane Sollee and Virginia Rutter, for their support and for pro viding me with the opportunity to “spread the word.” In addition, there are many colleagues who have greatly influ enced my thinking during the years I’ve been practicing therapy. The staff at the Brief Family Therapy Center has been one such major influence. I especially want to thank Steve de Shazer, who taught me to be “simple-minded.” He undoubtedly inspired many ideas presented throughout this book. In particular, I am grateful to Ar