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Witnessing the addiction of a family member or loved one is a heart-rending experience. But hope can prevail, as shown in this compelling new book. Here, the gripping stories of fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters of addicts offer important lessons on loving, detachment, intervention, and self care.
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Addict in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery BEVERLY CONYERS HAZELDEN® addict in the f amily This page intentionally left blank addict in the f amily Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery Beverly Conyers HAZELDEN ® Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 1-651-213-4590 (Fax) www.hazelden.org ©2003 by Hazelden Foundation All rights reserved. Published 2003 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Conyers, Beverly. Addict in the family : stories of loss, hope, and recovery / Beverly Conyers. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 1-56838-999-X 1.Alcoholics—Family relationships. 2. Narcotic addicts—Family relationships. 3.Alcoholics—Rehabilitation. 4. Narcotic addicts— Rehabilitation. I.Title. HV5132.C645 2003 362.292'3—dc21 2003050829 07 06 05 04 03 6 5 4 3 2 1 Cover design by David Spohn Interior design by Stanton Publication Services, Inc. Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc. Author’s note All the stories in this book are based on actual experiences and personal interviews. Names and certain facts have been changed to protect the anonymity of the men and women who shared their stories for this book. This book is dedicated to the Tuesday night group with heartfelt appreciation —and to my daughter with love. This page intentionally left blank CONTENTS Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 A Family Disease 7 The Stranger You Love 19 The Beast Inside 39 Addicted to the Addict 65 The Process of Change 85 Paths to Recovery 103 Time to Heal 137 Symptoms and Effects of Major Addictive Substances 149 appendix b Words of Wisdom 161 appendix c Resources 165 appendix d Recommended Reading 169 one two three four five six seven appendix a About the Author vii 171 This page intentionally left blank ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Dozens of people have very generously shared their intimate stories about addiction and recovery with me.Without their honesty and courage, I could not have written this book. In addition, many professionals in the treatment community contributed their knowledge and insight, including Debbie Galinski, L.R.C.; Barbara K. George, L.M.H.C.; Dayna Gladstein, L.I.C.S.W., C.D.P.; Joseph Hyde, L.M.H.C., C.A.S.; and Bert Pepper, M.D.To all, thank you. ix This page intentionally left blank INTRODUCTION It is a Thursday night in late November.The sky is blanketed with low, thick clouds, the air heavy with impending rain. Bare branches of old trees carve faint silhouettes in a world of black and gray, relieved only by a single light above a narrow door and a horizontal row of five small square windows close to the ground and lit from within. Inside the church basement, thirteen people sit around two rectangular folding tables pushed together. On the tables are books and pamphlets, a few bottles of water, and a box of tissues. The room is brightly lit by suspended fluorescent tubes, revealing pale yellow concrete walls, a green-and-white tile floor, and thin white curtains on the windows.The lights emit a faint whine, punctuated by the chirps and occasional clangs of three old radiators. No one pays any attention to the noises. All eyes are on Dot, a woman in her sixties with soft, peach-tinted hair, a tired face made