E-Book Content
Celsias proudly sponsors this ebook for... billy corum Celsias proudly sponsors free books for free minds. A Hilarious Collection of BAWDY, RIDICULOUS & POLITICALLY INCORRECT Jokes By Johnny Sharpe rial e t a m s n i a Cont : G N I N R ive! s A n W e f f o d n i f some may This ebook licensed to billy corum corum. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this ebook is illegal. E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 Adult Joke 001-004 Cap PBK 14/7/06 12:00 pm Page 1 Adult Joke 001-004 Cap PBK 14/7/06 12:00 pm Page 3 E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 By Johnny Sharpe Adult Joke 001-004 Cap PBK 14/7/06 12:00 pm Page 4 This edition published in 2006 by Arcturus Publishing Limited 26/27 Bickels Yard, 151–153 Bermondsey Street, London SE1 3HA Copyright © 2004 Arcturus Publishing Limited All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without written permission in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended). Any person or persons who do any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. ISBN-13: 978-1-84193-575-1 ISBN-10: 1-84193-575-1 E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 Printed in China Johnny Sharpe is a fictional character. A.Jokes pp 005-064 24/7/07 5:00 pm Page 5 CONTENTS THE EARLY DAYS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 The New Arrival Ma and Pa Early Learning 9 11 18 LEAVING SCHOOL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Clubbing The Movies The Law Love’s Young Dream Off to Work A Walk on the Wild Side 29 32 38 52 66 78 LOVE AND MARRIAGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85 Bedtime Stories Wedding Bells Honeymooning Married Bliss 87 106 108 115 NEST BUILDING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135 Church Times Earning a Crust Friends and Neighbours Playtime Football Golf E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 5 137 151 168 185 194 198 A.Jokes pp 005-064 24/7/07 5:00 pm Page 6 CONTENTS Party Animal Pubbing Red Light at Night 206 208 228 PILLAR OF SOCIETY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 239 Healthy Behaviour Doctor’s Orders Down in the Mouth Hospital Habits On the Move Loads of Money Shopping Spree Small Talk 241 246 263 265 270 294 303 310 MALE MENOPAUSE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 319 Playing Away Smart Remarks The Grass is Always Greener 321 338 351 LATE IN THE DAY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 359 Age Catches Up Dead Ends 361 375 E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 6 A.Jokes pp 005-064 24/7/07 5:00 pm Page 7 THE EARLY DAYS E727C34A-C483-4AA0-8287-C790F20F0528 Johnny has always reckoned that being born is like coming out of the cinema in the afternoon having watched a romantic film – all that bright light and everyone crying. Johnny’s was a notable birth. He was so ugly the nurse slapped his mother. His mother put shutters on the pram and the only people to cuddle him were scientists. Johnny has gone on to record a multiple birth – well, put it like this … like Boots, he has branches all over England. A.Jokes pp 005-064 24/7/07 5:00 pm Page 9 THE E