All The Things I Never Said

All The Things I Never Said All pieces written by Mae Krell Cover art drawn by Tiffany Tremaine For you; and no there is not only one “you” There are many you’s. and those you’s know who they are. They know how I spent countless hours thinking about them and even more writing about them. and this is all the words I didn’t say to them. So to you, if you are reading this please understand why I did not open my mouth to speak when I should have and I hope all of these explain what I would have said. CONTENTS Introduction The Seasons Of People Beauty Hopes And Dreams Those Nights Definitions Human Invisibility The End The Happiest Of Sads Jumbeled Thoughts Shoot A Wilting Lie Breakdowns Untitled 1 (about you) 3 in the morning Late Nights Every Bird Has A Broken Song Blinded Childhood Sayings Four Twenty Two Empty Heart Hidden Insanity For Katelyn and Tiffany Gone Words Not Everything Can Be Hidden Summer Death In the Stars Untitled 2 (About you) My sea Floating (For Tiffany) Dead Heart Days Untitled 3 Blurred Numbers 543 (For Tiffany) Okay (for Jill) Suicidal and Cancerous {543 miles is bullshit, you’re always in my heart} Promises, Promises, But this time, It’s different The Future Untitled 4 (About you) Discoveries 3 In The Morning Poisoned Untitled 5 (About you) Monday Eerie Bones Untitled 6 (for you) Family Photos and a lost child Tunnels Fragile Breaths Child Of the Universe Introduction: Writing is hard, you know. The fact that you’re just supposed to sit down and have a million thoughts flow into your head is crazy. You could have a week where nothing but sadness floods your mind and you can’t think of anything and then you can have one day where your mind decides to change and goes wild with happy thoughts of even the stupidest things. So if you ask me how I think of what to write, I mean, I have no idea. They come to me, and sometimes they suck, but that doesn’t mean I don’t write them down. You need to write everything. The good and the bad and the sad and the happy, because one day you’ll look to the past and decide to read what you had written a while back. and I guess when you do you’ll be reminded of the friends, the breakups, the love, the loss, the ups, the downs, the rain and the sun. and I guess by then you’ll realize that’s all part of life. and life can be shitty. but fuck it. just live. One morning, any morning, you need to wake up and say to yourself, what the hell have you been doing until now, and you need to go out and live, because frankly, that’s all life’s got to offer. So this is me. Living. A 14 year old girl publishing a book of the only feelings she’s ever known how to express, in the only way she knows how to express them. So I tried. I tried and I tried and I tried to express my feelings the “right” way. In the way of words you can hear, in speech. But that’s never worked out for me much. It seems a little weird to me, to speak, if no one is listening. So for a while, when I was younger, I used to talk a lot. And I would babble on and on, and one day, I realized that, frankly, no one cared. no one was listening no one cared. So, I went on to express my feelings the way I knew how to. And speaking was not that way. At the time writing wasn’t either. And my way of expressing my feelings, wasn’t very helpful to anyone, especially not to me, even though I thought it was. Then last year, I discovered the glorious form of self expression and therapy that is writing. And I have not put the pen down since. Whenever I have something to say, I write it down, instead of well, saying it. And this is