E-Book Overview
Once upon a time, Martians and Venusians functioned in separate worlds. But in today's hectic and career-oriented environment, relationships have become a lot more complicated, and men and women are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress. To add to the increasing tension, most men and women are also completely unaware that they are actually hardwired to react differently to the stress. It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch television. A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in, and Mars and Venus collide. Using his signature insight that has helped millions of couples transform their relationships, John Gray once again arms the inhabitants of Mars and Venus with information that will help them live harmoniously ever after. In Why Mars and Venus Collide, Gray focuses on the ways that men and women misinterpret and mismanage the stress in their daily lives, and how these reactions ultimately affect their relationships. "It's not that he's just not into you; he needs to fulfill a biological need," Gray explains. "And it's not that she wants to henpeck you; she also has a biological drive." He shows, for instance, how a husband's withdrawal is actually a natural way for him to replenish his depleted testosterone levels and restore his well-being, and how a woman's need for conversation and support helps her build her own stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin. Backed up by groundbreaking scientific research, Gray offers a clear, easy-to-understand program to bridge the gap between the two planets, providing effective communication strategies that will actually lower stress levels. Whether in a relationship or single, this book will help both men and women understand their new roles in a modern, work-oriented society, and allow them to discover a variety of new and practical ways to create a lifetime of love and harmony.
E-Book Content
WHY
MARS & VENUS COLLIDE Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
JO H N GR AY,
PH.D.
This book is dedicated with deepest love and affection to my wife, Bonnie Gray. Her love has supported me to be the best I can be and share with others what we have learned together.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments ◆ ix Introduction ◆ xiii C HA P TE R O NE
Why Mars and Venus Collide ◆ 1 C HA P TE R TW O
Hardwired to Be Different ◆ 31 C HA P TE R TH RE E
Stress Hormones from Mars and Venus ◆ 53 CHA P TE R F O U R
A Woman’s Never-Ending To-Do List ◆ 77 CHA P TE R F I V E
The 90/10 Solution ◆ 95 C HA P TE R SI X
Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee ◆ 117 C HA P TE R SE V E N
The Anatomy of a Fight ◆ 131 — vii —
CONTENTS C HA P TE R E I G H T
How to Stop Fighting and Make Up ◆ 155 C HA P TE R NI NE
Talking about Feelings in a Fight-Free Zone ◆ 177 C HA P TE R TE N
Looking for Love in All the Right Places ◆ 199 C O NC L U S I O N
Creating a Lifetime of Love ◆ 221 Sources ◆ 235 Appendix A: Reducing Stress through Cellular Cleansing ◆ 239 Appendix B: Creating the Brain Chemicals of Health, Happiness, and Romance ◆ 243 Appendix C: Mars Venus Coaching and Counseling ◆ 247
About the Author Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher
— viii —
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I
thank my wife, Bonnie, for sharing the journey of developing this book with me. She has been a great teacher as well as my biggest fan. She is a tremendous source of insight, and her capacity to love is a great inspiration. I thank her for expanding my ability to understand and honor the female point of view. This perspective has not