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June was 9 years old when she came home from school and her schizophrenic mother met her at the door, angrily demanding to know, Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house? Tess's mother would wait outside church, then scream at family friends as they emerged, accusing them of spying and plotting to kill her. Five-year-old Tess and her 7-year-old brother would cry and beg their mother to take them home as onlookers stared. These are just two of the stories among dozens gathered for this book. The children, now adults, grew up with mentally ill mothers at a time when mental illness was even more stigmatizing than it is today. They are what Nathiel calls the daughters of madness, and their young lives were lived on shaky ground. Telling someone that there's mental illness in her family, and watching the reaction is not for the faint-hearted, the therapist says, quoting another's research. Nathiel adds, Telling them it is your mother who's mentally ill certainly ups the ante. A veteran therapist with 35 years experience, Nathiel takes us into this traumatic world—each of her chanpters covering a major developmental period for the daughter of a mentally ill mother—and then explains how these now-adult daughters faced and coped with their mothers' illness.While the stories of these daughters are central to the book, Nathiel also offers her professional insights into exactly how maternal impairment affects infants, children, and adolescents. Women, significantly more than men, are often diagnosed with serious mental illness after they become parents. So what effect does a mentally ill mother have on a growing child, teenager or adult daughter, who looks to her not only for the deepest and most abiding love, but also a sense of what the world is all about? Nathiel also makes accessible the latest research on interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and the way a child's brain and mind develop in the contest of that relationship.
E-Book Content
Daughters of Madness: Growing Up and Older with a Mentally Ill Mother
Susan Nathiel
PRAEGER
Daughters of Madness
Recent Titles in Women’s Psychology ‘‘Intimate’’ Violence against Women: When Spouses, Partners, or Lovers Attack Paula K. Lundberg-Love and Shelly L. Marmion, editors
Daughters of Madness Growing Up and Older with a Mentally Ill Mother
Susan Nathiel
Women’s Psychology Michele Paludi, Series Editor
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Nathiel, Susan. Daughters of madness : growing up and older with a mentally ill mother / Susan Nathiel. p. cm. — (Women’s psychology, ISSN 1931-0021) Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-275-99042-7 (alk. paper) 1. Children of the mentally ill. 2. Mothers and daughters—Mental health. 3. Mental illness. I. Title. RC439.N384 2007 616.890 00852—dc22 2006038809 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data is available. Copyright ' 2007 by Susan Nathiel All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, by any process or technique, without the express written consent of the publisher. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2006038809 ISBN-10: 0-275-99042-7 ISBN-13: 978-0-275-99042-8 ISSN: 1931-0021 First published in 2007 Praeger Publishers, 88 Post Road West, Westport, CT 06881 An imprint of Greenwood Publishing Group, Inc. www.praeger.com Printed in the United States of America
The paper used in this book complies with the Permanent Paper Standard issued by the National Information Standards Organization (Z39.48-1984). 10 9 8
7 6 5 4 3
2 1
To Ellen Clare, Howard, Christopher, and David
Contents
Foreword Acknowledgments Introduction
xi xiii xv
1. Mother’s Role in Our ‘‘Self’’ Development The Research: Bonds and Brains
1 7
2. Early Childhood Some