E-Book Content
BY DR. KEVIN B. SKINNER GrowthClimate, Inc. 2545 n. Canyon Rd. #210 Provo, Utah 84604 www.growthclimate.com www.treating-pornography-addiction.com Copyright © 2005 by Kevin B. Skinner. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews. For information address GrowthClimate, Inc., 2545 N. Canyon Rd. #210, Provo, Utah 84604 AUTHOR’S NOTE: Throughout this book he and his are used for consistency and to maintain the flow of the book. However, the author recognizes that women, too, can become addicted to pornography. Caveat:Except for my own stories, all the characters in this book are composite characters drawn from my life experience and clinical work. Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality. Published by: GrowthClimate, Inc. 2545 N. Canyon Rd. #210 Provo, Utah 84604 www.growthclimate.com www.treating-pornography-addiction.com ISBN 0-9772208-0-X Cover and book design by Stephen Hales Creative To my magnificent seven: a wonderful wife and six beautiful daughters—No man could ask for more joy than you give me. Contents Introduction 1. The Creation of a Pornography Addiction 2. Understanding and Assessing the Levels of Pornography Addiction 3. Pornography Unveiled—Why Pornography is Addictive and How to Activate and Deactivate Addictive Behaviors 4. The Power of Beliefs—Learn to Rewrite the Beliefs That Keep You Trapped 5. The Beginning Steps to Change for Good 6. Preparing to Change for Good 7. Taking Action and Maintenance—The Behaviors of Changing for Good 8. The Profile of Those Most Likely to Relapse 9. Relapse Prevention Journal—A Tool to Use in Recovery 10. Living the Lifestyle that Leads to Recovery Appendix A: Reaction Sequences Appendix B: Assessing Pornography Addiction Test References My Favorite Books Introduction As John sat down in front of me, I knew the problem before he began to speak. His internal lights were out. He was spent. He had hit the proverbial bottom and was finally ready to admit that he needed help. As John started to tell his long history with masturbation and pornography, he was shaking. He had been dealing with strong sexual feelings for years, actually four years, before he hit puberty. He was tired of wasting so much time each day looking at pornography. He was tired of missing classes and work because he had been up all night looking at pornography. He simply couldn’t deny it any longer—he needed help. He was living a lie; he had been living it for fifteen years. Nobody knew of the inner turmoil he was feeling. His parents were great people, but he didn’t dare tell them that he was fantasizing, masturbating, and viewing pornography every day. He didn’t dare tell them that he was looking at pornography for hours a day. His girlfriend wouldn’t understand if he told her that he was looking at pornography every day while they were dating. He couldn’t talk with his roommates because they had the same problems. He didn’t know where to turn. He couldn’t tell his parents, he didn’t dare tell his girlfriend, and he was afraid to talk with his religious leaders. John is one of the many men who have come to therapy seeking a reprieve from an addiction to pornography. Sadly, our society has created an environment where sex is pushed upon us from every angle. It is on TV, the Internet, billboards, in magazines—virtually everywhere we look, sexual images are thrust upon us. While we are inundated with pornographic images, we don’t have an outlet to discuss what these images are doing to our minds. One young man put it this way. Growing up, my family didn’t talk about sex. The only thing I knew about girls was that I had to show them respect. My dad reinforced this by yelling at me i