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THE ~OVINTI, DOMINANT JOHN WRff, REN. "MENTOR" Ph.D. '-0 NV3 v THE ~DYING DOMINRNT THE I.DYING DOMINHNT John Warren Ph.D. ''MENTOR'' The Loving Dominant Copyright © 1994 by John Warren All Rights Reserved No part of this book ma¥ be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the publishers. First Rhinocmis Edition 1994 First printing October 1994 ISBN 1-56333-218-3 Cover Photograph© 1994 by Robert Chouraqui Manufactured in the United States of America Published by Masquerade Books, Inc. 801 Second Avenue New York, N.Y. 10017 Rcknowledgments This book could. not have been written without the assistance of many people, chief among them Libby Donahue, who provided the support and help so needed by an author as well as a deep and sophisticated understanding of a female submissive's needs and desires. Another person whose contributions were vital for this book was M. M. of San Francisco, whose editing skills and tact made the book readable while preserving the author's ego. Isobel Silkwood is gr~tefully acknowledged for her insight and support during many difficult passages. Many thanks go to Mistress Margo, Lady J, Mistress Kay, and Goddess Sia for providing invaluable insight into the functioning of female dominant-male submissive relationships. Others without whom thif book might never have been written: ,.. The posters on the D&S group on the Prodigy electronic bulletin board. The members of Eulenspiegel, Nashville PEP, and Threshold. Ceres of the BFB Bulletin Board for the illustrations of knots. THOLE OF CONTEITS Introduction • 11 Chapter 1• Rll the Colors of Kinkiness • 19 Chapter 2• Rre You aLoving Dominant? • 23 Chapter 3• Dig Rll Those Crazq People • 27 Theories of Sadism and Masochism • Why Would Someone Want to Be Submissive? • Why Would Someone Want to Be Dominant? Chapter 4• Consent and Consensualitq • 45 You Don't Have to Say Exactly What You Mean • Protect Us From Our "Protectors" • A Submissive Writes About Submission • Levels of Submission • The Experience of Submission • Integrating Spirituality and Ritual • -Submission as Personal Growth Chapter S• HFeast of Joq ... RDish of Pain • &3 Chapter 6• 5tal~in;the Wild Submissive • 69 Contact Media • Mindfuckei5, Confidence Tricksters, and Blackmailers • Writing an Advertisement • Bulletin-board Systems • Initial Meetings • Public and Private Clubs • What Are the Clubs Like? • Club Etiquette • Scene Organizations • Searching Outside the Scene Chapter 7• Winning Over the Vanilla Lover or Spouse • 95 On Creating a Dominant Spouse Chapter 8• Haking aScene Sing • 103 Preparation • Limits and Surprises • Music and Scent • Beginning the Scene • The Scene Itself • Ending the Scene • Talking It Over Afterward • Guided Fantasy • Interrogation Scenes • Fantasy Rape Chapter 9• Opening the Toqbox • 129 Blindfolds and Hoods • Clips and Clamps • Collars • Contracts of Submission • Gags • Dildos • Male Chastity Belt • Sport Sheets • Spreader Bars • Vampire Gloves • Vibrators • Finding Toys in the Vanilla World • Garden Shop • .Kitchenware • Toys • Hardware • Automotive • Sporting Goods • Hobby Supplies • Jewelry • Pet Supplies • Miscellaneous Chapter 10 • Fun and Games • 149 Spanking • Bondage • What Should Not Be Used for Bondage • What Can Be Used for Bondage • Knots: Knot So Mysterious • Bondage Positions • Decoratjve Bondage • Whole-body Bondage and Mummification • Selfbondage • Whipping •Selecting a Whip • Using a Whip • Genital Shaving • Suspension • Where to Suspend • Suspension Gear • Inverted Suspension • Supported Suspension • Waxing • F[e on Skin • Humiliation • Enemas • Fisting • Cutting and Pricking • Permanent