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Finally, a book about open marriage that grapples with the problems surrounding monogamy and fidelity in an honest, heartfelt, and non-fringe manner. Jenny Block is your average girl next door, a suburban wife and mother for whom married life never felt quite right. While many books on this topic presuppose that the reader is ready to embrace an “alternative lifestyle,” Block operates from the assumption that most couples who are curious about or engaged in open marriages are in fact more like her — normal people who question whether monogamy is right for them; good people who love their spouses but want variation; capable parents who are not deviant just because they choose to be honest about their desires. Open challenges our notions of what traditional marriage looks like, and presents one woman's journey down an uncertain path that ultimately proves open marriage is a viable option for her and others.
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open LOVE, and SEX, LIFE in an OPEN MARRIAGE JENNY BLOCK OPEN_Paperback.indd i 1/5/09 3:01:20 PM open LOVE, SEX, and LIFE in an OPEN MARRIAGE Copyright © 2008 Jenny Block Published by Seal Press A Member of Perseus Books Group 1700 Fourth Street Berkeley, CA 94710 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Block, Jenny. Open : love, sex, and life in an open marriage / by Jenny Block. -2nd ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN-13: 978-1-58005-275-7 ISBN-10: 1-58005-275-4 1. Open marriage. 2. Marriage. 3. Communication in marriage. I. Title. HQ536.B595 2009 306.84--dc22 2008040700 The author has changed some names, places, and recognizable details to protect the privacy of friends and family members mentioned in the book. Interior design by Tabitha Lahr Printed in the United States of America Distributed by Publishers Group West OPEN_Paperback.indd ii 1/5/09 3:01:20 PM For J OPEN_Paperback.indd iii 1/5/09 3:01:20 PM contents Chapter 1 what’s a gir l to do? 1 Chapter 2 m y o r gasm , m y se lf 23 Chapter 3 ju st pick som e o ne alr e ady 59 Chapter 4 ev ery o n e el se m anage s to do it, wh y can’t i? 93 Chapter 5 th is is a te st 125 OPEN_Paperback.indd iv 1/5/09 3:01:20 PM Chapter 6 ha v in g our cak e and e ating it, too 147 Chapter 7 y ou can’t r un o ut of lo ve 171 Chapter 8 it ’s n ot ne ce ssar ily wh at yo u th ink 193 Chapter 9 t he four (no t-so e asy) ste ps 223 Chapter 10 o u r ve r y own h appily e ve r af te r 237 christo ph e r ’s af te r wor d 251 OPEN_Paperback.indd v 1/5/09 3:01:20 PM This page intentionally left blank OPEN_Paperback.indd vi 1/5/09 3:01:21 PM prol ogue this is a story about a girl who grew up believing what many girls believe—that one day she would fall in love with the man of her dreams, marry him, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yet as she grew older, all she felt was confused. The messages she was getting—from her parents, her friends, her school, the media—about looks and love and sex and relationships all seemed to be pointing in different directions. When she was seventeen, she lost her virginity to a guy who told her that she was responsible for her own orgasms. She set off for college feeling confident about her sexuality; she had several relationships and many lovers, and she was happy. Then she met a nice guy whom she thought she could love. He was what she imagined she had always wanted—someone kind