E-Book Overview
William Lobdell's journey of faith—and doubt—may be the most compelling spiritual memoir of our time. Lobdell became a born-again Christian in his late 20s when personal problems—including a failed marriage—drove him to his knees in prayer. As a newly minted evangelical, Lobdell—a veteran journalist—noticed that religion wasn't covered well in the mainstream media, and he prayed for the Lord to put him on the religion beat at a major newspaper. In 1998, his prayers were answered when the Los Angeles Times asked him to write about faith. Yet what happened over the next eight years was a roller-coaster of inspiration, confusion, doubt, and soul-searching as his reporting and experiences slowly chipped away at his faith. While reporting on hundreds of stories, he witnessed a disturbing gap between the tenets of various religions and the behaviors of the faithful and their leaders. He investigated religious institutions that acted less ethically than corrupt Wall St. firms. He found few differences between the morals of Christians and atheists. As this evidence piled up, he started to fear that God didn't exist. He explored every doubt, every question—until, finally, his faith collapsed. After the paper agreed to reassign him, he wrote a personal essay in the summer of 2007 that became an international sensation for its honest exploration of doubt. Losing My Religion is a book about life's deepest questions that speaks to everyone: Lobdell understands the longings and satisfactions of the faithful, as well as the unrelenting power of doubt. How he faced that power, and wrestled with it, is must reading for people of faith and nonbelievers alike.
E-Book Content
LOSING MY RELIGION HOW I LOST MY FAITH REPORTING ON RELIGION IN AMERICA—AND FOUND UNEXPECTED PEACE William Lobdell To my wife, Greer, and my four boys, Taylor, Tristan, Matthew and Oliver and To those wounded by the church “If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.” René Descartes Contents Epigraph iv one “You Need God” 1 two Born Again 5 three A God Thing 25 four Answered Prayers 39 five Shot Out of a Cannon 61 six My Ten Commandments 79 seven Father Hollywood 91 eight A Spiritual Body Blow 107 nine The Golden Rule 121 ten Millstones Around Their Necks 135 eleven A Gentle Whisper Silenced 151 twelve “Rebuild My Church” 163 thirteen Heal Thyself 173 fourteen The Dark Night of the Soul 197 fifteen At the Edge of the Earth 215 sixteen Letting Go of God 235 seventeen One Story Too Many 253 eighteen “Welcome to the Edge” 259 Epilogue 275 Index 285 Acknowle dgme nts About the Author Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher · O N E · “You Need God” “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11 B Y A G E 2 7 , I had screwed up my life. I had married my volatile high school sweetheart five years earlier, mostly because it seemed easier than breaking up. When I left her, I didn’t follow through with the divorce. Dealing with her in court would be messy, so I just bailed. In the meantime, I happily jumped into an adolescence delayed by my fidelity to the first girl I’d ever loved. Before long, I managed to get a girlfriend pregnant. I loved my newfound bachelorhood, and I was petrified by the prospect of another marriage and my first child (leaving aside the fact that my divorce to my first wife couldn’t be finalized for at least six months). I ran away as fast as I could, concluding that I had only a few months left in the wild before the baby arrived and a lifetime of responsibility would kick in. I needed to pack in as much living ·1· WILLIAM LOBDELL as I could. I drank away man