Science: Abridged Beyond The Point Of Usefulness

Science Abridged Beyond the Point - of - Usefulness This is not a copyright page. This is a Creative Commons Page. Zach Weinersmith, 2017. Some Rights Reserved. Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 Unported http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/ Weinersmith, Zach Science: Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness Das is nicht einmal falsch. - Wolfgang Pauli This preface is a preface, which means that no one will read it. Like a black hole, there is information trapped here that will never be seen by human eyes. If you believe you are reading a preface right now, you are probably caught in a deeply warped spacetime, such as an event horizon or the customs line at an American airport. You may perceive yourself as alive, but to outside observers you are inert and motionless. Since you are apparently here for eternity, without any option to turn away, I thought I’d tell you i about this book. This book contains all of science. All of it. To be clear, I am using the word “science” in the narrow sense of fields which employ one of the known scientific methods. To wit: 1) Observation, experiment, analysis, conclusion 2) Observation, experiment, analysis, boring result, different analysis, different analysis, different analysis, interesting result, publication 3) Observation of other people’s work, repackaging, publication, tenure 4) Observation, experiment, catastrophic failure, less catastrophic failure, questionable success, publication, discovery that you’ve been scooped, alcoholism 5) Observation, experiment, analysis, world-shakii ing discovery, rejection, desolation, death of elderly scientists, renewed interest, posthumous recognition I have neglected to include some fields, such as Anthropology and its important subdiscipline, Sociology, as well as Economics and its important applied field, Evil. This is not because I consider these fields to be lesser, but because after reading the literature in quantitative finance, I realized I could do a separate Social Science book and make even more money. If any sociologists find themselves miffed while reading this, remember that your perception of your own anger is socially constructed, so suck it up. I have also neglected to include the mathematical fields. This may seem odd, as these fields often claim priority over the whole of scientific knowliii edge. But, it is now known that mathematics is in fact a narrow sub-domain of ichthyology, because if you take 1 fish and put it next to another fish, you have 2 fish. Add another, that’s 3 fish. The rest can be derived from there, and I leave it as an exercise for the reader. As a final caveat, I wish to note that if you happen to be a scientist yourself, you may feel your area of study was miscategorized. For example, I asked Linguistics to sit with the weirdos at the Cognitive Science table, while Paleontology was compelled to live with the smelly kids in Earth Science. I had hoped for a more pure and Platonic structure, but it turns out that the family tree of science contains more than a few kissing cousins. If your field appears to be in the wrong section, it is likely because you and your forebears were a bit promiscuous with your associations. iv Shame on you. The more interdisciplinary science becomes, the harder it is for all of us to look down on chemists. Zach Weinersmith Weinersmith Manor May, 2017 v Introduction for the Teacher Don’t teach from this. Introduction for the Student Don’t learn from this. Science Abridged Beyond the Point - of - Usefulness PHYSICS 1.1 History Aristotle said a bunch of stuff that was wrong. Galileo and Newton fixed things up. Then Einstein broke everything again. Now, we’ve basically got it all worked out, except for small stuff, big stuff, hot stuff, cold stuff, fast stuff