E-Book Overview
Sex. After. Baby. These three words are spoken in hushed voices over playdates and at playgrounds. But while we may whisper them to our closest girlfriends, or joke about them after one too many beers with the guys, when it comes to talking with our partners about what's really going on (or not going on, as the case may be) in our child-proofed bedrooms, more and more of us find ourselves tongue-tied and tiptoeing. Are you part of the "sleepless, sexless" club? You just might be, if You'd rather just go to bed than go to bed with your partner. The mind-blowing sex you once had now just blows. The TV is turned on more than you are. A playdate sounds better to you than yet another bad date night. The baby gets more kisses and cuddles than you do. You're beaten down from always having to initiate sex. Foreplay has become chore-play. "Let's get it on" are now fighting words. But it doesn't have to be this way. According to bestselling author Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and "naughty mommy" Heidi Raykeil, it really is possible to do the hokey pokey and keep up the hanky panky. Ian and Heidi often bring very different perspectives, but they agree that sex matters . . . a lot. It's the glue that holds couples together and keeps lovers from becoming simply roommates or co-parents. Funny and frank, Love in the Time of Colic will help parents take the charge out of this once-taboo subject, and put it back where it belongs—in the bedroom.
E-Book Content
LOVE IN THE TIME OF
COLIC
THE NEW PARENTS’
GETTING IT ON AGAIN
GUIDE TO
Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and Heidi Raykeil
For Lisa and JB, and our beautiful children who make it so hard . . . and so worth it.
Contents
I NTR O D U CTI O N
Welcome to the Jungle 1 C HAP TE R O N E
Back in the Saddle Again: Why It’s So Darn Hard to Start Having Sex Again After Having a Baby 15 C HAP TE R TWO
Psych 911: Why New Parenthood Can Be a Crash Course in the Blues 41 C HAP TE R TH R E E
Charity Sex, Chore- play, and Other Acts of Love: When Sex Hits the Bottom of the To-do List 71
C HAP TE R F O U R
When the TV Is Turned on More Than You: Or Why Your Libido Is a Function of Your Lifestyle 93 C HAP TE R FI V E
When Date Night Attacks: Why Long- term Love Is So Dang Hard and How the Heck to Keep It Fun 131 C HAP TE R S I X
Naughtiness Is Not Just for Kids: How to Spice Up Sex So You Actually Want It 163 C HAP TE R S E V E N
Slumping It: Torn by Porn, Flirty Friendships, Unfair Fighting, and Other Things Your Relationship Is Vulnerable to When You’re Not Having Sex 197 CONCLUS ION
A Beautiful Compromise 221
AP P E N D I X
Since You Asked 231
Acknow ledg ments 257
About the Authors Other Books by Ian Kerner, Ph.D. and Heidi Raykeil Credits Cover
Copyright About the Publisher
I NTROD UCTION
Welcome to the Jungle
LI G HTS, CAM E RA . . . ACTI ON?
Picture this: Mom and Dad crawl into bed after finally getting the baby to sleep. For the moment, the little one is in the crib, and as much as they’d like to believe he’ll stay that way, they know it’s only a matter of time. For Mom’s part, she just wants to read a few sentences of the same paragraph of the same novel she’s been mulling over and over and then close her eyes and snatch a few moments of precious sleep. Dad, meanwhile, has other plans: He sidles on over, gently pushes away the novel, and presses his body (and hard-on) against her. You’ve got to be kidding me, she thinks to herself. How can he even think of sex? There’s no way this is going to happen. But tonight he’s determined; he won’t take her subtle back-turn as an answer. He knows he has a tiny window of time and has to act fast; maybe, just maybe, he’ll get some action: charity sex,